Date 3: The Self-Help Guru

As you might guess, this date did not go well.  I almost left about 5-10 min in, but decided to stick it out, mostly because I thought writing this would be more fun if I stayed.  I was right, so here we go…

Originally The Self-Help Guru seemed normal.  He messaged me, talked about boring things like jobs and what not.  We decided to meet up Sunday after my book club.  I told him I was going to be in Chinatown and he said, ok let’s meet in Ballston, which kind of disjointed, but ok.  The final decision was that I should text him when I was leaving (I figured he would then pick a place in Ballston for me to meet him).  He did text me a place to meet him, but it was the Cosi across from the Ballston metro (maybe not a great date place, but whatever).

I walked in, and he has a table and a coffee, or I guess remnants of a coffee.  So I sat down, and we started talking.  Well, first, I was just not attracted to him, he felt a lot older than me (POF says he is 39, so I guess I should have decided that earlier, note to self 39 is too old).  About 5 min after sitting down my hands were on the table and he just reaches over and starts fiddling with my ring.  Ever heard of personal space dude?!  Then he says that the light was glinting off of it, so he just had to touch it (because you’re 3 years old?).  I also felt like I was being interviewed for a job.  So Many Questions!  Just like quiz after quiz.  I was exhausted from talking about myself.

Then he suggested I should get a drink, and he said he wanted to refill his coffee.  Although it seemed important that I understand the coffee was decaf… is coffee judgement a thing?  We went up to the counter and when the barista came over, he suddenly needed to run to the bathroom.  Really?  You couldn’t pay for my lemonade?  Really?  At that point I considered leaving, but I thought all you readers might enjoy some more story (honestly the ridiculousness that occurred was totally worth the extra 40 min).

He returned and was asking me about my book club (a valid questioning point as I had just come from there).  I mentioned that I like sci-fi and fantasy.  He asked me about Star Trek and Avatar.  Kinda concerned that the last fantasy movie he could come up with was Avatar, but anyhow.  He said he thought the magic ponytails were cool (seriously? worst part of the movie dude).  I commented something about how the entire world being connected through a consciousness was the most interesting concept in the movie.  Then he said, well it’s like here but without the ponytails, we have mind waves.  I’m assuming I looked confused, because well… yeah.  The he says, well we’re all connected to god.  I’m assuming that my face then looked rather skeptical, because he took one look at me and said “Oh I guess you don’t believe in god, do you?”  I was like, umm no.  Maybe not the best topic of conversation for 30min into meeting someone, just a thought.  Not only that but he then brought up god multiple other times after that, which was just awkward.

Don’t worry, the fun continues!  Then we launched into the Self-Help portion of the date.  He started by guessing things about me, but he said them in such vague, confusing terms I could barely tell what he was talking about.  Like, you enjoy increasing and expanding, which meant, I like to continue to learn things (I think).  He claimed that he could tell a lot about a person very quickly, which lead to the next fun adventure.

Then he launched into this insane imagination theory thing.  He started it as saying that he read about it in a psych book and it would tell you a lot about a person.  My friend found it online in 5sec via google.  It’s listed as an entertaining game to start conversation.  Not only that, but he asked all the questions wrong (my dad is a PhD in Psychology and does marketing for a living, so I know the most important thing you can do is ask the question correctly or you will get completely different answers).  Also, he then described to me the meanings of my answers wrong!  If you would like to do the game for yourself, do it now, before I start describing mine.  I’ll wait….1… 2… 3… 4… 5…

He started out by asking me to imagine an open space of some kind, then as an after thought mentioned a dessert as a possibility, I had already imagined something else (large grass field), it didn’t seem important, so I didn’t change to a dessert.  This highly influenced the amount of flowers that appeared later (desert vs. grass…), but since he told me they represented friends, instead of children…  well, you see the problem here.  He also asked me if my cube had 4 corners on the top at some point.  My response was, well yes, it’s a cube…  The horse part was my favorite though, stick a horse somewhere.  ok?  He went on and on about how I wanted to trust my future husband, because I didn’t tie up the horse and most people tie it up.  Well, this seems problematic, don’t must people want to trust their spouse?  Maybe he read a different version of this, but it was impressive how wrong he was, so wrong I could tell never having done this before that he was doing it wrong.

Next, he proceeds to tell me that he reads a lot of self-help books.  Now why would you admit that to someone you just met?  Yes, I have some self-help books, I’m sure most people do, but they’re the ones I stick on the shelf in my bedroom and don’t tell people about until I know them well enough that I’m ok with them making fun of me.  Obviously, telling me about this habit of his was a good call in the first hour of meeting me.  He also says that he’s a life-coach on the side.  I really, really hope these people are ok, getting life advice from him seems like a horrible idea.  He also tells me that I’m organized and my apartment must be really clean (I literally laughed out loud at that one, my apartment is almost never clean).  He proceeded to grab my hands again and said he thought I was organized because my nails are well-groomed (really, really?).

Thankfully, we both sort of said we needed to go at the same time.  As we walked out he offered to drive me home, and I refused, said there was a bus coming soon (I had no idea if there was, turns out not.  I took a cab).  He asked when I was free this week.  I said I wasn’t sure and had some plans to finalize.  Then we parted ways.  He proceeded to text me at 10:20PM to tell me he had a good time, and when was I free to go out this week?  I may have ignored him… ok, I definitely ignored him.

SO, aren’t you glad you got to share my amusement?

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Date 2: The Cricket Player

I finally managed to get out on some more dates!  Hooray for not totally giving up on this, although 30 seems like a lot being that it’s now the end of April.

Anyway, onto the date:

Friday I went out with The Cricket Player, we almost had another failed dating attempt, because as of 2:30PM he had not contacted me about where we were going to meet.  He eventually pulled through previous to 5PM (which was my no-go time).  I was mildly apprehensive since it hadn’t taken some effort on my part to get him to pick something, but we ended up going to Sushi Rock in Arlington, and he made a reservation (shockingly well prepared).  He had also offered to pick me up, but I try not to get into cars with guys I haven’t met and/or just met (stay tuned for later).

So I met him at the restaurant and I was early as usual, but he was pretty exactly on time, so win!  We went in and sat down and he almost immediately got up and went to the restroom… kinda weird, but whatever.  He didn’t order alcohol, so I also didn’t.  We got sushi and chatted.  Mostly about traveling, he’s from Pakistan and went to VA Tech.  He has family in various places around the world, which is cool.  He works from home doing IT and has to go to Buffalo, NY once every 5 weeks.  Apparently these trips are his first experience with actual cold weather.  He seemed fairly impressed by my moderate amount of travel experience (for those of you who don’t know me, I studied abroad for a summer in Prague, and have been to Mexico, The Turks and Caicos, Germany, France, England, Austria, and Italy over various trips and years).  We also chatted about my love of reading and what sports we were/are into.  He plays in some Cricket league around here (hence the alias).  I ordered dessert, he paid.

We left the restaurant and he asked if I had anywhere to go, which I didn’t (and also didn’t feel the need to make up somewhere for the first time on a date in a while).  He asked if I wanted to walk or drive, I went with walk because of the previously mentioned try-not-to-get-into-cars-with-men-I-don’t-know-well reason.  We started walking and about 2 blocks later realized he intended us to end up at Spider Kelly’s/Clarendon, which is not really a short walk.  So we went back to his car, which was in a parking garage… I started thinking about what I could use as a weapon.  I apparently I should be more prepared:

unagi?

 

Anyway, he didn’t try to kidnap or murder me, so we were good.  However, we also drove around for like 20 min looking for a parking spot… this is why I don’t have a car in the city.  We eventually found one and walked to Spider Kelly’s, on the way he sort of offered his hand, wasn’t sure how to not do that and be not awkward, so we held hands.  Then after we entered he did this weird walk around with his arm around my waist thing.  According to my coworkers, this may be a just- me weird thing, but it made me feel like he was projecting “This is my girl, don’t look at her, or go near her, she’s mine!” thoughts, which bothers me a bit.  We played shuffleboard and he did the waist thing a few more times.  I got a drink because he sort of pushed me towards doing that (well also we were in a bar), but he didn’t order anything.  I always feel a little weird if I’m drinking but the person I’m with isn’t (at least with people I don’t know well).  We chatted a bit and then headed out.

As we walked down the street I said I would take a cab, but he wanted to drop me off.  There was also an awkward moment where we were crossing a street and the light had just turned, so I tried to walk faster to get across.  He simultaneously tried to do that waist thing again, which was weird…

To end it, he drove me home and I sort of said: ok, this was fun, thanks so much!  Then hopped out of the car and ran away.  Hope he wasn’t waiting for an invite upstairs, because that’s not something I do on a first date.  I ended up texting him the next day to say I had a good time.  He responded with the same general message.  I haven’t heard anything since.

I’m kind of on the fence, I would probably try a second date, but I’m not so enthusiastic that I want to be the one pushing for it.  I will wait and see what happens.

I managed to get another date in this weekend as well, it’ll be up later in the week!

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Failed Dating Attempt 2: The Insecure Guy

So I should make a point to say, this is not as bad as Failed Dating Attempt 1.  However, still annoying.  As you can see I dubbed him The Insecure Guy.  He has many aspects of The Pushy Texter, but it seems to stem from a different motive (I think).  Most of my coworkers agreed he was awkward and getting to creepy, some of them just said the conversation was a little boring… you can comment on your opinions on the matter.

I was messaging him on POF and he asked me out and gave me his number.  He asked me out on Wednesday morning for Wednesday evening or Thursday evening, which I was kind of skeptical about, but decided to go for it for Thursday evening.

We started off well, picking a time and general area, and then the conversation got derailed:

Him: So how is POF so far for u?

Me: Well I’m still on POF, ideally if it worked great I wouldn’t be anymore 😉

Him: True true.. I Agree. So assuming a girl would have had a few dates already .. Right?

Him: I meant a cute girl like u. 😉

Me: Sure, had a few.  Nothing particularly exciting

Him: Gotcha.. I hear u.  So what attracts U in a guy both personality wise and physcially?  Just curious.:)

Him: Picture of him at his desk (actual picture I just didn’t think it was appropriate to upload)

Him: Save me from work lol

Me:  Haha, looks difficult

Him: Hahah… It’s ok I guess

several hours later…

Him: So guess that was not an appropriate question.. Sorry if it was not..

facepalm

So a couple things, why do guys think it’s a good idea to ask about my experience on [insert dating site here]?  You’re basically asking me about other guys I’ve dated.  That’s not an appropriate question for someone you’ve never met.  In fact, it’s a 3rd-4th date question in my opinion.  So when a girl tries to cutely deflect the question(or at least I tried to be cute), maybe you know, go with it?

Also, not the first time a guy has asked me the what do you find attractive in a man question.  How exactly do you want me to answer this?  Describe you? Describe my ideal man and sound crazy? How much information do you want? 3 things? 10 things?  There is no good way to answer that question, and you shouldn’t be asking it of someone you’ve never met.

Aren’t these basic normal things not to do in a conversation?  I should have been warned though, one of his first messages on POF included a question asking if I liked interracial men.  That seemed oddly specific and awkward.  Guess I should have stopped there, but it seemed like he was really insecure and that’s why he was asking all these questions.

Anyway, I decided since we hadn’t picked a definite place, I didn’t have to respond.  So failed again, sigh.

 

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Sorry for the Hiatus

Hi all!

I apologize for my lack of posting.  Life sort of took over for a while.  I had maybe the worst case of Step throat ever and then some family emergency things happened.

Now I’m back!  I have a few online suitors with possible dates getting lined up for the next week or so.  You can expect many more posts!

See if I can’t catch up so I’m not so far behind on the Challenge.

More later this week, enjoy the weather!

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Skiing!

Alright, so I haven’t been on any more dates, but in my defense I have been super busy at work, and I went on an awesome ski trip with my friends!

Plus it was Valentine’s Day, and I didn’t feel like dealing with the whole dating thing.

Skiing was quite amazing, although alerted me to how much I have not been working out (serious leg pain people).

Vermont:

IMG_0479

Also my lovely friend, J, decided to take over my Tinder app while she was… less than sober.  She had maybe the most ridiculous conversation with a guy I’ve ever seen.  Most of it consisted of “I’m awesome” and “Btw I play the clarinet” and some more “I’m awesome”.  Somehow this guy still proceeded to message me 3 times after I (well J) stopped responding… further evidence that guys are very weird.

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Date 1: The Book Guy

So I finally went on Date #1!  One of my coworkers had already started calling him The Book Guy, so I went with it (one of them had another name, but it’s not very flattering).  He works/owns/manages a book store (I’m a little unclear on the specifics), hence the nickname.

So we decided to meet for drinks on Friday, he lives in Maryland and I live in Virginia, so we met in DC.  He suggested either Buffalo Billiards or the Front Page in Dupont, so I picked the Front Page, kind of randomly (neither sounded particularly thrilling, but whatever).  We were both equally early showing up (about 10 min).  We went in and it was super super crowded.  We ended up standing by the wall where there was a small ledge to put drinks and coats and stuff on.  I got to stand up in my heels for an hour and a half… and get run into every 2 min by someone trying to walk by us.  Not ideal, maybe I should have suggested we go somewhere else, but I just went with it.

So in his pictures he looked a little young, he looked older in person, thankfully, but he’s like super skinny, and I’m not particularly attracted to him.  In general conversation wasn’t bad, kinda stilted, and hard to actually discuss since I couldn’t hear him half the time. I’m not sure how charming I was since I was kind distracted by all the noise and people and feet hurting.  After two drinks and me not being able to stand without wincing, I told him I was kinda tired.  We walked to the metro and did the awkward hug thing.  He texted later to make sure I got home ok.

I’m kinda on the fence, not really physically attracted to him, but it wasn’t the worst date ever.  My old friend (like we’ve known each other since Kindergarden old), P, said, bail if you’re not a attracted to him.  But my college roommate, T, said maybe I should give it another shot somewhere that was more date-like/where we could actually have a conversation.

Jury is still out on The Book Guy.

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Failed Dating Attempt 1: The Pushy Texter

I really hope this doesn’t become a much used category, but I figure it’s bound to happen more than once while trying to do this.  So here we go, instead of writing my first date post, I’m writing this one.

Ok so this guy will be The Pushy Texter (I was sort of thinking of a meaner name, but I’ll try to be nice).  I started talking to him on POF, and Thursday evening gave him my number.  We were texting a lot.  I’m not a huge texting fan… I would rather have a real conversation with someone on the phone, but I try to be responsive when people do text me.  He ended up asking me to coffee (I’m sort of iffy on the whole coffee date thing, I would prefer at least drinks).  I said ok, but I was pretty much busy except for Saturday.  He then proceeded to try to get me to go out with him that night, or Friday after I was going out.  Both of which I refused to do (what is so hard to understand about: I have plans?).  We sort of picked Saturday and then he asked me “Any huge turn ons of offs in a guy?”  I felt this was really awkward, and decided not to answer (it was getting late anyway) and went to bed.

So then Friday I was going to just ignore it and go on with my life, but some of my coworkers convinced me it was a good idea while we were out for a going away party.  This ended up with me agreeing to meet The Pushy Texter at a Panera at 11am Saturday morning.  Who wants to go on a date in the morning?!  This was after several discussions about where (he wanted to pick me up from a metro, uhhhh no) and when (I originally suggested 4:30pm, he asked for morning or early afternoon).  He asked if I would let him know if anything changed, and I said I would.  After that was decided he started asking questions about if I knew any Indians or immigrants (he is Indian) and what I thought about them, which is awkward also.  I got distracted by actual fun with people I was out with and stopped answering texts (also, at some point my phone died).

Finally Saturday morning rolled around, and I have to admit to being a little under the weather, but I showered and got cute and got on a bus (not my favorite thing to do while I don’t feel well) and showed up at probably 10:55am at the Panera.  He had texted me Good Morning, which I eventually texted back Hey when I got on the bus.  My phone went off while I was walking in and I figured it was him saying he was there or something, so I just finished walking from the bus before I checked it.  He was asking if we were still on for 11:30, and if he should leave, because it was going to take 30-40 min to get there.  My reaction went like this:

seriouslygif

I spent 5 min trying to convince myself to stay.  It didn’t work.  My time is too valuable to sit around and wait for a guy that I now find extremely annoying.  I texted back that we said 11am, I was already there, but now I was going home.  He texted a few times and called and left a message (which I deleted without listening to it).

So I guess you decide: should I have stayed?  I’m feeling pretty good about my decision, but maybe I was too harsh. 

Anyhow, no worries, I have a date set up for Friday!

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